


if you've got the time

by doctorkilljoy



Series: Klaus Hargreeves Deserves Better [1]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (Comics), The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Ending, Angst, Canonical Character Death, Child Abuse, Childhood Trauma, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not Beta Read, Psychological Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-30 00:18:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17818226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctorkilljoy/pseuds/doctorkilljoy
Summary: The trials and tribulations of Klaus Hargreeves, and a family that doesn't notice when he's in peril.





	if you've got the time

**Author's Note:**

> I binge watched Umbrella Academy yesterday and I had feelings. Then I saw [this post](https://gayklaushargreeves.tumblr.com/post/182833457526/when-klaus-said-im-the-one-person-in-that-house) and I was so... Upset. Because it's true. I told the OP I wanted to write a fic about it and they graciously granted me permission to do so. This is based heavily on the Netflix series but there's a couple references to the comics if you keep your eyes peeled. 
> 
> I'm going to tell you this fic gets pretty angsty. I have a tendency to write my feelings and I'm not feeling so great right now. But, it is what it is. 
> 
> Title is from _Save Yourself I'll Hold Them Back_ by My Chemical Romance.

_2001_

“Please let me out! Please! Please…” He was trembling. Klaus had beaten his fists against the door as long as he could until he was bleeding. He wanted out. Away from them! They were so loud, and angry, and they wouldn’t stop! It made his head hurt, he couldn’t shut them out! Someone had to come soon! Klaus couldn’t take much more.

“Six,” he whimpered. “Three, Two, Pogo… Seven?” He wouldn’t call for Number One. He did everything Dad ever said, he wouldn’t help. He wasn’t sure that Vanya would want to help. She was… Well, she was Vanya. 

They couldn’t understand! Those people, covered in gore, screaming in pain, begging Klaus for… He didn’t know what. What did they want from him? Why couldn’t they be quiet! They frightened him more than anything. And Dad had left him alone with them and no way out!

He remembered Dad had come back for a moment, but then he said “Three more hours.” Klaus wasn’t sure he could take three more minutes let alone three more hours! 

They were howling at him. “Klaus! Klaus! Klaus!” They wouldn’t _stop!_

He had no memory of leaving the mausoleum.

Klaus woke up in his own room, alone. Had they let him sleep in? How did he get here? Someone had changed him into his pajamas. He was so confused, he wasn’t sure--

“Good morning, Number Four.” 

Dad was standing in the doorway with Pogo. Dad was scowling, Pogo was frowning. Were those tears? They didn’t look like tears. Could chimps even cry? He didn’t know and he could still hear it, whispers of, “Klaus.” 

“You’re late. It’s time for breakfast.”

“I…” He said, but at that cold look from Dad, he didn’t dare continue. 

He got up and got dressed, unsurprised to see Dad had already left. Pogo stood there watching him. He opened his mouth like he would say something. Instead, he sighed and walked away as well. 

Klaus held in his tears. He knew the trouble he’d get in if Dad saw him crying. Not like it would win him any sympathy anyway. Which was why Klaus pulled on his uniform and looked in the mirror. Presentable. He had to be presentable. 

“Klaus!” A woman screamed. 

Klaus wouldn’t look at her. He covered his ears and left the room. There had to be some way to drown them out. He could hardly see where he was going. He wanted to cry. He wanted to run. This house felt like the mausoleum and Klaus wanted out. 

He went down to breakfast and he couldn’t keep from trembling. Klaus got a long look from Ben. No one else seemed to notice. His throat felt raw from screaming. Mom was circling the table with that uncanny smile of hers. It was as though nothing had happened. 

Didn’t they realize he’d been locked up all night? He met their eyes, each of them. There was… Nothing. There was a particular expression each of the Hargreeves children had. The one they would get when Dad did something to one of them. That said they wanted to speak up. To intervene, but were too afraid. None of them were wearing that expression that morning.

They hadn’t noticed he was gone. Klaus felt something in his chest like someone had knocked the wind out of him. He looked at Vanya, who was placidly eating. Left out of everything, no powers so she didn’t get tortured like the rest of them. Klaus was almost jealous of her. Almost.

As he looked around the room, he thought someone should say something. Speak up for once. Instead, he ate his oatmeal and tried to control the shaking in his hands. No one was going to help him.

_2003_

His first love had been pills. They were so easy to get. Doctors will write you a prescription for anything. Dad didn’t keep them locked up in the academy anymore. While they didn’t exactly have free reign it wasn’t hard to get to a doctor’s appointment. It was… Bliss wasn’t the word, but everything stopped for a while. He couldn’t hear them screaming at him. And Dad and his siblings weren’t so bad once the drugs took the edge off. 

After that it was weed. Also easy to get, especially from fans. They would gush about how much they loved him and ask if he wanted to smoke up. He wasn’t Luther or Diego or Allison, one of the “cool” ones. He and Ben were on the lowest ranks when it came to admirers. Ben was right above Klaus, which sort of made sense since his power was “super cool”. 

Klaus could talk to dead people, that wasn't cool. Or at least they talked to him, he didn’t talk back if he could avoid it. 

It was fine, capitol! Spectacular! Everything slowed down. Everything stopped for a while. He could hear himself think for the first time in he didn’t know how long. But the brilliant part was, he didn’t have to think. Klaus could float along without all of it dragging him down. Dad, the academy, his brothers and sisters. He could be himself. 

Except that Klaus didn’t know who he was outside of the drama. He didn’t know who he was when he wasn’t being spooky. Black clothes, black nails, a bit of a feminine flair he’d picked up from the kids he met in the clubs he’d started going to. He wasn’t Klaus Hargreeves, Number Four, or The Seance there. He was an anonymous kid and didn’t talk to ghosts. He didn’t see them either, but it was only temporary. 

He needed more to keep them away. A joint, a couple pills, a drink if he could jimmy open Dad’s liquor cabinet. Just enough so that everything was quiet for a while. He loved the quiet. It meant they couldn’t come at him with their pale faces and bloody hands. 

Dad had to have known. Klaus knew that Vanya knew, she’d walked into the room when he’d been getting ready to dose himself. He’d yelled at her and chased her out. Maybe he shouldn’t have, her eyes had been brimming with tears. She’d hidden behind her long brown hair and slipped out. He felt guilty and thought he should apologize. He chose to slam the door and flop on the bed. He needed to take his medicine, he could hear them calling his name. 

Vanya didn’t say anything about the drugs, even though he kind of wished she would. Ben knew too, and he suspected Five had known before he disappeared to God knows where. Klaus wished that Five would come back. He would have called Klaus out on it, unlike his other siblings. They didn’t say anything. No one said anything. No one asked if he was okay, or if he needed to talk. No one talked to him except to say, “Use your powers.” 

He hated his powers! He never wanted them. And people didn’t want Klaus for who he was because of them. Dad had wanted him for what he could do. Luther was the same. Diego, Allison, and Ben. Total strangers too, like that man who’d stopped him on the street last week. He said he’d give him five hundred dollars to talk to his dead wife. Five hundred! Think of what he could get for that! He’d been all too willing, and now the money was gone. Blown on black market meds and dope.

The only person who didn’t do that to him was Vanya. Maybe he should be nicer to her. 

Klaus took the pills. He lit the joint. He forgot all about Vanya, Ben, and the voices. 

_2006_

Everyone was too serious. Right? I mean it wasn’t only him, everyone was very super serious. Why were they so serious? Something bad had happened. Ben had said that he talked too much. He knew that it was the only way to get everyone’s attention. It wasn’t working today though. Not much of a surprise. Funerals were never fun and Klaus hated them with a passion. Luther made him go. He’d also smacked Klaus a few times to shut him up. 

Didn’t they realize Ben wasn’t really gone? He was standing next to him during the service. How weird was it, to go to your own funeral? Klaus thought it would be fun to go to his. He would haunt the fuck out of Dad if he could. 

Ben was with Klaus while everyone said something nice about him. How much they loved Ben, and what an integral part of the team he was. Klaus wondered what they’d say at his funeral. Probably nothing nice. Klaus had even spoken, saying, “Ben was the only one out of all of you I actually liked.” He’d gotten a few glares and Ben hissed, “Liar,” which made Klaus laugh. He didn’t like any of them, but he loved them. Couldn't change that when it came to family.

No one said anything about his gruesome death. Well, no one except Diego, but he saved it for when they were back at the Academy. He and Luther had come to blows and Allison had to “I heard a rumor” them to get them to stop. 

Vanya had vanished shortly after the service, pill bottle in hand. He’d tried her pills once they didn’t do shit for him. Also, Dad had found out and had screamed his head off. It was the one time Dad ever actually said anything about Klaus’ little habit. It was only to say, “Your sister needs that medication and if you ever touch it again I’ll lock you in the mausoleum for a week!” 

He needed to get nice and fucked up so he didn’t have to think about it. And where better than the drawing room? No one would be there, not late at night. Not after Luther and Diego came to blows. Everyone would be winding themselves up in their bedrooms. Wrapped up in little cocoons of trauma and anxiety. Klaus was already drunk, and he had a nice little baggie that was going to make it all stop.

“You really shouldn’t do that shit,” said Ben.

Klaus looked up from the coffee table. Ben was there, wearing his favorite leather jacket and hoodie. He smiled at Klaus, and Klaus smiled back. 

“You gonna stop me?” Klaus asked. 

“If I could I would,” Ben replied. 

Klaus gave a hoarse laugh. “Now you want to stop me? Now? After all the years we’ve known each other? What changed?” Ben didn’t reply, and Klaus nodded. 

“I think you’re doing too much,” Ben said. 

“How do you know what’s too much?” He countered. He had poured the white powder out onto a mirror. Like he saw in the movies. Klaus got the razor out so he could cut it into lines. 

“You’re pretty messed up already. You need some sleep,” said Ben. There wasn’t a mark on him. Not a sign of what had happened to him. But he was fading around the edges. Like an out of focus photograph. Klaus clenched his jaw. 

“I know what this is about,” he said. He finally had the lines precisely how he wanted. All he needed was a straw. And what a coincidence! There was one, right next to the mirror! Oh, he’d made everything nice and neat. “You know what? You’re just like the rest of them screaming at me. And I don’t want you screaming at me, too. You’re dead, Ben. Why don’t you move on? After everything that bastard has put us through you’re finally free! You can go now.”

“Klaus--” Ben started, but he cut him off.

“Fuck off!” And Klaus did a line. Ben was gone when he looked up again. But Pogo was there, giving Klaus a look that was very reminiscent of Dad. Klaus laughed and shrugged. He got to his feet, stumbling a little as he did. “This is… Exactly what it looks like,” he said with a laugh.

“We buried your brother today,” Pogo replied. “Surely you could have waited.”

“Waited until what?” Klaus asked, tilting his head. 

“I understand you have… Issues,” Pogo said. “But you need to overcome them.” 

“Ohhhhhh, yeah. Why didn’t I think of that? I’ll just, y’know, totally get over _everything!_ Just like that! Fuck you, I’m coping,” he concluded, dipping his finger in the powder and sticking it in his mouth. 

Pogo didn’t reply, he snorted with disgust and left the room. 

Whatever he didn’t care. 

They didn’t care about him, he wasn’t going to care about them. Fuck all of them. 

_2009_

Court was such a drag. His public defender wouldn’t let him take anything beforehand. It was so hard to concentrate when the ghosts started up. You’d think that since he was, you know, in court, they’d take the hint that now wasn’t the best time. The trial hadn’t gone well, and he knew it hadn’t because of how short it was. The scornful looks the jury gave him. Just another crackhead. That was Klaus. 

Unsurprisingly, his family didn’t show. They hadn’t been there when the cops arrested him. Or when the DA arraigned him. Or when the jury convicted him. His lawyer, whose name completely escaped him, had reached out to Dad for help with Klaus’s sentencing. Dad ignored the calls and letters. The lawyer had tried his siblings too, but no dice. 

They didn’t care. He was scum in their eyes because he couldn’t cope. Every time he sobered up, he found himself in the mausoleum. Ben did what he could to try to pull him back but it never worked. Which was why he tried to stay constantly high. And how he got the money to feed his habit? Oh wow, the looks he’d gotten from them when they found out.

Selling his power for money, using that money to get drugs. It was a system, and it worked for Klaus. Not for his brothers and sisters. 

They’d confronted him when he came home one night with a thousand dollars. Once again no one mentioned the drugs. They were all thinking it, and no one dared say it. But what Luther had said was, “This is serious. You need to knock it off or someone is gonna get hurt.” 

“Oh? Who? Who’s gonna get hurt?” Klaus asked with a smile. 

“You always say the wrong things to the wrong people. And someday, someone is going to shut you up,” Diego chimed in. 

“Like you?” Klaus laughed. Ben was standing behind Diego and he sighed.

“They’re just trying to help,” Ben said and Klaus snorted.

“Shut up,” he hissed, and his siblings gave each other puzzled looks. 

“Klaus, please--” Allison started, and Klaus laughed.

“Don’t you start Miss Movie Star!” He smirked at her and added, “You know, I heard a rumor, about how you got that part. Wasn’t what’s her name supposed to play the ballerina? You know, the white girl with the fake blonde hair and the fluffy dog?” 

Her eyes narrowed and she said, “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“Oh, right, I don’t know anything. Just same old Klaus being stupid like always. That’s how it’s always been,” he muttered. Klaus had shrugged and went up the stairs, adding, “Don’t worry, I’ll get out of your hair. You won’t have to fret over me saying the wrong thing.” 

“What do you mean?” Vanya had asked. She’d been quiet the entire time the others were confronting him. 

He leaned over the banister and looked down at her. She was so small. How was she so tiny? Was her mother an elf? It didn’t matter. He gave her his biggest smile and said, “Because, little sister, I’m leaving.” 

“Where will you go?” She asked and he shrugged.

“To hell, probably. I’ll make sure to save you all a seat! Love ya lots!” And he’d gone up the stairs and packed. It was the last time he’d seen his family. 

He may as well have been fucking people for money if he were honest. It would have hurt less than the dead screams. He shouldn’t have done it in the first place. Not because it was wrong, but because it encouraged the other dead people. Even now they were shouting for him. “Klaus!” He jumped but didn’t turn to look. He had to at least pretend he was paying attention. 

The judge was giving him a stern look as he said, “Will the defendant please rise.” 

“You’re gonna be okay,” Ben whispered. 

“I doubt that,” Klaus muttered.

“Klaus Hargreeves, I sentence you to eighteen months in prison. And ten years probation,” the judge said, and banged his gavel. The bailiffs came and slapped the cuffs on him, dragging him out of the courtroom. 

Ben followed him and Klaus asked, “Do you think they’ll mind if I get high in prison?” 

“I don’t think they’re gonna let you do that,” Ben replied. 

“Shut up,” the bailiff said and cuffed Klaus upside the head. 

_2015_

“Did she really write that?” Ben asked, reading over his shoulder. 

He didn’t want to read the book. He’d heard about it months ago, and he’d told himself he wouldn’t read it. It would be weird, wouldn’t it? Reading about his childhood from someone else’s point of view? But it had been sitting right there on the table when he’d come in last week. “Just came out,” the therapist said. “I think it would help you put things in perspective.”

Klaus regretted it the minute he read his name in the book. Vanya talked about his idiocy, how he was only a junkie and everyone knew it but never did anything about it. Somehow, she didn’t seem to count herself among the others when she said that. As though she were completely blameless. 

She had written everything about him. Every bad night, every overdose, at least the ones she knew about. Vanya even told everyone about the time he’d chased her out of his room. She made him as much of a monster as Dad. 

“This is so fucked up,” Ben said softly. “You know she's speaking out of hurt.”

“Shut up,” Klaus hissed. 

It was painful, to read what his sister really thought of him. Of what they all thought, apparently. He was a fuck up, a loser, a weakling who would use any excuse to get high. The dagger in his heart was they weren’t wrong. He knew what he was, but no one seemed to care about why. They’d completely dismissed him.

He took the book with him to Narcotics Anonymous. He read it as others talked about their problems, what made them addicts. When it came to his turn, he didn’t talk. He kept reading. Klaus was in pain and depressed, and he _really_ wanted a fix. The dead weren’t bothering him today.

The only phantom haunting Klaus was Ben and the ghosts of their childhood abuse. There was no getting rid of Ben, despite everything Klaus had tried. Though he’d been helpful when Klaus was in prison. He’d literally been watching Klaus’s ass. 

“Klaus?” 

He looked up. Everyone was staring at him. Klaus was chewing on his thumbnail, Vanya’s words still rolling around in his head. “What?” He asked. 

“Are you okay?” The group host asked. She was some sort of counselor, he forgot what kind. 

He waved his hand a bit and kept reading. This was the first meeting he hadn’t broken up with his inane chatter. That was what Vanya called it in the book. He left the session and took the book with him. He also stole the counselor’s purse. It was a rookie mistake anyway, leaving it out in the open like that. He needed money, and he wasn’t in the right frame of mind to exploit his powers for that.

Klaus read aloud to Ben, “He likes to make himself the center of attention. He does this by saying the most off the wall, lunatic thing he can think of. If Klaus ever did have something important to say, he would hide it beneath a wave of inane chatter and sarcasm. He disguises his pain with flippant quips, and dulls it with drugs.” 

“Harsh, but true,” Ben said. 

“I should write a book,” Klaus replied. “I can call it ‘Extra Bitchy’ and write all sorts of mean things about Vanya.” 

“You can’t even write an email,” said Ben, snorting.

“Imagine what she would have written about you if you hadn’t died. Guess it’s a good thing she still believes one shouldn’t speak ill of the dead,” Klaus muttered. He took the baggie out of his pocket, the blue crystals catching the light.

“Klaus, don’t,” Ben muttered. 

“Fuck you,” he replied. 

After several hours of being high as a kite, Klaus had burned the book in his bathtub. He then threw up, and Ben said, “You’ve really done it this time.” 

He had OD’d again. It was pretty amazing that he hadn’t died yet. Maybe that was his other superpower, not dying from all the shit he crammed into himself. When he woke up in the hospital, it was to Ben staring down at him. The rest of his family wouldn’t visit him, he knew better than to expect anyone. 

No one was going to save his scrawny, junkie ass. He didn’t need them anyway. 

_2019_

Dad died. Number Five came back. He got taken hostage by a couple of lunatics wearing freaky masks. There were some strangling and a _lot_ of ghosts screaming at him. He remembered the bus and the briefcase. Then he wasn’t there anymore. 

_1968_

Vietnam wasn’t so bad when you got right down to it. Which yes, horrible, a terrible thing to say about a bloody and completely unnecessary war. But if it wasn’t for Vietnam, he wouldn’t have met Dave. And it was easy to ignore the voices of the dead when the screams of the living were so much louder. 

Ben wasn’t around anymore. Klaus wasn’t sure where he’d gone. Klaus thought his ghost couldn’t manifest because Ben technically didn’t exist yet. He wasn’t too worried about it, it was kind of nice not having his brother bitch at him about how much he drank. Or smoked. He hadn’t taken a hit of anything heavier since he’d gotten there.

The situation was too serious. And there were other circumstances to consider.

When Klaus had first started getting the shakes, Dave had noticed. They were on a bus, going… Somewhere. He didn’t know where. He should have asked after they put a helmet on his head and a gun in his hands.

“Hey, are you okay?” Dave asked.

Klaus shrugged and laughed, saying, “Not usually.” 

“What’s the matter with you?” Dave pressed, and Klaus rolled his shoulders and sighed.

“I’m a junkie. And a freak.” 

“Oh.” Dave was quiet. The bus rattled. Other soldiers talked around them. Then, Dave did the most unexpected thing. He asked, “Why?” 

Klaus stared at him for a moment. “What?” 

“Why do you do drugs?” Dave asked. 

He wasn’t sure how to answer, so he asked, “Where do I start?” 

“Start from the beginning.” 

“It’s a long story.” 

“We have time.” 

Dave was smiling, and it made something in Klaus’ stomach flutter. Instead of a flippant remark, Klaus did something he’d never done before. He told the truth. On the longest bus ride ever, he told Dave everything. About Dad, the ghosts, where he went when he was going through withdrawals. The whole time, Dave listened. He didn’t interrupt, he sometimes asked questions, but he let Klaus talk. 

At the end of it, Dave said, “Wow, that sucks.” 

“Yeah,” Klaus replied. He was tense, worried about what Dave would say, or do. 

“You know what you should do?” 

“What?” 

Dave smiled and said, “Straighten up. Fly right. Get your head clear. I know you’re hurting, but you’re making it worse with the drugs.” 

“How do you figure? I mean, they’re pretty much a core aspect of my personality at this point,” Klaus replied. 

He squeezed Klaus’s shoulder and said, “You’re using it like painkillers. It doesn’t make the pain go away, it numbs you up so you don’t feel it. Then when they’re out of your system the pain comes back, a million times worse than before. And it only gets worse every time. You have to confront it and deal with it.” 

“It hurts too much,” Klaus muttered. 

“I know. But if you don’t get clean? You’re gonna die. And a spooky boy like you shouldn’t die out here,” Dave told him. He nudged Klaus’s arm and added, “I’ll help you.” 

And he did. He helped Klaus learn to be a soldier. Helped him keep his head clear. The other guys in the unit were great, too. They called him “Spooky” and sometimes teased him about his powers. They came in handy on occasion, especially after that shit with the Vietcong Vampires. Through it all, Dave was there helping Klaus in the most unexpected ways. 

He didn't expect the night at the disco. Klaus knew if someone saw them, they were fucked. The military wasn’t exactly open minded in 2019. In 1968 they would be shot and killed, bodies dumped in a ditch. Dave hadn’t cared, neither had Klaus. It had felt right. They were a little drunk, but not too drunk. Dave’s lips were soft and warm, and Klaus felt complete when they kissed. 

They went back to the hotel and fucked each other senseless until dawn. Klaus had fallen asleep in his arms, and for the first time in his life, he felt normal. He felt happy. Was this love? Klaus looked at Dave, asleep, the morning light bringing out the gold in his hair. 

“Hey,” Dave muttered. “Go to sleep.”

“I don’t want to,” Klaus replied. 

“Nightmares?” 

He nodded. He didn’t have them so often anymore, the dead reaching out and shrieking at him. It still happened sometimes though. 

Dave’s eyes slowly opened, and he smiled at Klaus, saying, “I’ll keep the ghosts away. You go to sleep.” 

“I wish it were that simple. I wish… I wish it had never happened and I’d never become a junkie,” Klaus muttered. 

“Hey.” Dave lifted Klaus’s chin with the tips of his fingers, saying, “I know a lot of bad stuff happened to you. And you made some stupid choices because of it. But don’t talk about yourself like that. And don't blame everything on your past. If you can’t take responsibility for your present, you won’t be able to move on to your future.” 

“You know, you’re pretty smart for a grunt,” Klaus teased, and Dave chuckled. 

“Not as smart as some.” And they kissed each other again. 

Yes, this was love all right. Klaus never wanted to go back. 

But he did after Dave had died. Where else could he go? He didn’t belong in 1968. He didn’t belong with Dave dead. So he found the briefcase and opened it again. By some miracle, he was back in 2019, Dave’s blood still fresh on his hands.

_The Apocalypse_

The world ends, and Klaus finds out that God hates him. Not in that order. At least he was able to bring Ben back. Kind of. And then Five transported them somewhere so they could take care of Vanya. She needed them. Klaus wasn’t doing well in the saving siblings department. He’d fucked up with Luther, he wasn’t sure how much help he’d be with Vanya. He went anyway because where else was he going to go? 

_Unknown Time_

Five had found some pocket in time they could hide out from the Commission. Hazel and Cha-Cha wouldn’t be a problem anymore, and this place was... Nice. It reminded Klaus of that movie he’d seen. The perfect town stuck in the 50s that was in black and white until Tobey Maguire and Reese Witherspoon fucked it up. Except it was all in color. No one stared at the new weirdos in their midst. Klaus wondered if they had drugs there. 

Unfortunately, they didn’t. But they did have a very fancy looking house that miraculously had enough bedrooms for them all. 

They stayed there for two years. Frozen in time, never aging or changing, and trying to save their sister. It wasn’t only about helping her control her powers, it was about undoing the damage to her wounded psyche. Something that was slow going, to say the least, and none of them were exactly licensed therapists. 

It had been a bad day. Vanya had regressed, and she had a lot of rage and trauma from years of neglect and abuse. None of them were handling it well, because in helping her with her problems, they had a lot of old wounds opening. Today had been the worst by far. 

Vanya had ranted and raved, calling out each of them for their sins against her. When she’d turned on Klaus, her white eyes focused on him, he waited for words. Cutting words. She looked like a predator, and Klaus knew he was fucked. 

“Don’t do this,” he murmured. “Please.” 

“Why not? It’s not like you ever tried to help me before,” Vanya snapped. 

“You’re right, I didn’t,” Klaus said with a shrug. “You didn’t help me either. None of us did. It was the way of the house.” 

“Oh and that’s an excuse?” Vanya asked. She was growing paler. Klaus could see Five and Luther moving closer while her attention was on him. He shook his head. He could handle whatever she was going to throw at him. He’d been training too and discovered some new powers. The telekinesis had been a surprise.

“It’s not an excuse. It’s how things were, why we are the way we are,” Klaus replied and smiled. 

“This is funny to you?” She growled, stalking closer to Klaus. 

“What isn’t? Our life is a joke! A big cosmic joke! I mean, God told me to my face she doesn’t like me and I rub her the wrong way!” Klaus said, gesturing to himself.

“Wait, what?” Vanya said, surprised. Everyone was staring at him now, and he sighed. 

“That knock to the head in the nightclub. Turns out it killed me for a few minutes,” Klaus replied. 

Everyone looked at Luther, and Diego said, “You killed him?!” 

“No! It wasn’t Luther’s fault,” Klaus said. “It was another guy, and that’s not the point! Just… Listen to me, okay?” He reached out and took Vanya’s hand. She let him, instead of shoving him away. 

“So, I went to heaven. And I met God, who said she doesn’t like me. She made me, but she doesn’t like me. That hurt a _lot_. Because that’s all we got when we were growing up is rejection. From Dad and from each other. We need to stop doing that. We need to accept each other for who we are, and accept ourselves.” 

Vanya was staring at the floor, and she said, “So you’re saying it’s my fault.” 

“No,” Klaus muttered. He sighed and said, “Someone I loved very much said to me... Don’t blame everything on your past. Because if you can’t take responsibility for your present, you can’t move on to your future. So what I’m really saying is... “ He took a deep breath because he didn’t know what he was saying, he was making this up as he went along. 

He pulled Vanya into a hug and said, “It’s okay to wonder what if things had been different. It doesn’t mean they would have been better. You’re special, you always were, don’t lose that now because of the past holding you back. We want to keep you Vanya, and from now on we’re gonna be there for you and each other.” 

It shocked Klaus that that calmed Vanya down. It didn’t do him any favors though, because it got him thinking about Dave. And fuck, he missed Dave. 

The side effect of being in the pocket of time was that Klaus couldn’t see Dave. He couldn’t see any spirits or hear their voices screaming for him. That allowed Klaus to work on perfecting the other aspects of his powers. Why that didn't apply to Ben, he didn't know. 

It was nice to get away from the screaming, but he wanted Dave more than he wanted to live. And what was the point in staying sober if the only ghost he saw was his dead brother? Which was why Klaus was in the garage, looking for something to huff.

“Don’t do this again,” Ben said as Klaus got some paint thinner.

“Don’t tell me what to do,” Klaus replied. 

“You’ve been clean for over a year! Seriously, Klaus, you’re going to throw that away?” 

“What’s the point in staying sober if I can’t see him again?!” Klaus yelled. 

“You are, you're the point.” 

Klaus looked up and saw Five was in the doorway. He could see Allison and Diego behind him, and Luther behind them. He was confused as they walked into the garage, and he asked, “What are you doing here?” 

“You missed dinner,” Diego said with a shrug. 

“...So? I always missed dinner,” Klaus replied.

“Not since we got here you haven’t,” Five said. 

Allison stepped forward, her marker and notebook in hand. She scribbled something on the yellow paper and held it up for Klaus to read. 

_‘Ben told us about Dave.’_

Klaus looked at him, and Ben shrugged. “You’ve been working on your powers remember? I can manifest any time I want, so long as you’re within 200 feet.” 

“Why’d you tell them?” Klaus asked. 

“Someone had to.” 

He heard scribbling again and looked in time to see Allison lift her notebook. _‘I know how you feel.’_

“How?” 

She wrote, _‘Claire.’_

Klaus sighed. Of course, her daughter. How could he have forgotten about his niece? Not that Klaus had ever been in a fit state to meet her. He knew better than to inflict himself on a little kid. Allison wouldn’t be able to see Claire until Vanya was healed and they stopped the apocalypse. 

“You must miss her a lot,” he said. 

_‘As much as you miss Dave.’_

“The thing is,” Diego said, and they both glanced at him. “It’s what you said today. We need to be there for each other. And you’re having a hard time too.” 

“This is the longest you’ve been sober since you were a kid,” Luther added. 

“Don’t throw that away because you’re hurting, it’ll hurt more in the long run,” Diego concluded.

Allison was giving him a pleading look. What surprised him though, was who came through the door next. 

Vanya was a little unsteady on her feet. She had been in a state all day, and while her eyes were still white, her skin was mostly back to its regular color. She hesitantly approached him, and when she was less than a foot away she whispered, “I’m sorry.” And then she hugged him. Then Allison. Then Diego. Then Five. Then Luther. Ben was smiling and he joined the group hug. 

It was… It was what Klaus had always needed. His family seeing how much pain he was in, and wanting to help. To support him. To save him. Klaus could feel tears on his cheeks, and he laughed as he hugged back. He felt warm, and while he still felt the craving for something to cloud his senses, it was easier to shut out now.

The mission was still to save Vanya. They would keep working on her and on their powers. They would need them to face the Commission and stop the end of the world. But right now, all that mattered was that for the first time, Klaus’s family had seen him for himself. Not the junkie or the family idiot or the failed superhero. Just… Klaus. 

“I love you guys,” Klaus said, and each of his siblings said it back. 

It was the happiest he’d been since 1968. 

The End

**Author's Note:**

> [Tumblr](http://talkingcinemalight.tumblr.com/)


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